Seth Meyers' Unaired Weekend Update Jokes

As my readers know, I had the privilege to see Seth Meyers perform stand-up this summer.  During the end of his set, Seth pulled out a notebook and shared several unaired Weekend Update Jokes. Luckily, I recorded this section of the show and can post them now. Enjoy!

According to the state of Alaska, Sarah Palin spend over $21,000 for her family to travel with her on official business - In fairness to Palin, when she leaves them home alone they get pregnant.

Paul Barnes, the reverend of a Denver super church, resigned after confessing to having sex with men - Barnes said he often begged God to end his homosexual urges but unfortunately God just kept introducing him to hotter and hotter dudes.

A man in Washington state was charged with animal cruelty after he was caught having sex with the family dog - Even worse, it was make-up sex.

According to a recent study of 25 European countries, Frenchmen have the longest penises with an average length of 15.98 centimeters - but that doesn't make me upset because I don't understand the metric system.

Police in Germany arrested a man with no arms for trying to steal a tv from an electronics store - the police said it was an easy arrest because the man was unarmed.

A boy who was lost in the amazon rainforest was found after seven days - unfortunately he was found by tigers.

And my favorite:

A lesbian couple was kicked out of a Missouri Ihop after a customer complained about their kissing - said the couple "We're upset, but its not going to stop us from eating out."

Keep reading the blog - a full Season 38 preview will be coming out soon!